[Okay, so maybe he bought all of Reki's (and his own) favorite stuff on purpose... so yes, he knew Reki would like it, but that doesn't make him any less pleased by the reaction. It's nice to be close like this, his leg being shaken and all... but then Reki just has to prod at him, and Langa lets out a little huff that edges close to a pout, bumping his side in return before pausing.]
[ He has to laugh at how easy it is to read Langa sometimes. When it comes to food, it really is a way that he shows lo— care for someone. It's something that they can share a little more casually than skating, and even with this delicious spread in front of him, he wonders if maybe Langa will stay until morning so they can cook something together.
Reaching up to poke at one of Langa's pouting cheeks, Reki snickers and unwraps the bread before taking a bite. ] Good, then you know your place, or whatever. Save that pretty talk for wooing girls, dude.
Edited (when I forget to refer to people like a Japanese teen and not my non-binary self... and a typo......) 2021-10-04 20:28 (UTC)
[Rather than a real meal, convenience store snacks suit them just fine for a late night hangout. They're kinder to his wallet than 10 burgers at A&W, at least. And Reki's happy, so that's all he can ask for.
But this feels just a little too on the nose. There's only one person he's ever wanted to woo, and said person just happens to be the one poking at his cheek and telling him to woo someone else.]
I don't want to. [Huff.] I was being serious, you know.
Edited (You're all good! We can just edit back and forth forever.) 2021-10-04 20:35 (UTC)
Don't wanna save pretty talk, or don't wanna woo girls?
[ It's also too on the nose, but Reki can't stop himself from asking. At least it comes out more casually because he's not thinking about it—if he were really really asking, he would probably be a stuttering, blushing mess. ]
Oh. [ It's more of a surprise because he hadn't steeled himself for an answer. There are so many reasons for Langa to feel that way, but in the end, it just makes a little bit of hope flicker in Reki's chest. He shouldn't read into it when maybe he's just not interested in dating right now, or ever, or girls specifically, or girls in general because there's one he has his eyes on. Just in case it is a reference to being gay, though, Reki should say something reassuring, right? ] That's cool, man, whatever makes you happy.
[ Clicking his tongue a little, he stuffs more bread into his mouth and reaches for a drink. It makes it easier to think when he gives himself a little extra time like this, and in the end, he knows how to explain why it's embarrassing. ] I know you mean it, Langa, that's why it's embarrassing! From someone else, it'd just be a lie and I could brush it off, but you... really see me like that.
Don't tell anyone that I checked the konbini for cream cheese this morning. I had to make sure.
It's not really the answer he was expecting, if he was expecting anything at all, but Langa's still a little grateful that Reki breezily brushed past any deeper discussion. He isn't planning on divulging any more info unless Reki asks (and it's probably bad that he would tell him without thinking twice) but... at the same time, a small part of him kind of wants to, since they're probably never going to talk about this again.
Reaching over, he takes a soda of his own. But rather than drink it, he's content to just look at Reki, turning the bottle idly in his hands.]
Good. Is it better that I didn't say it to your face?
[Because he would. The way Reki gets so flustered when Langa says nice things about him is endearing beyond words. But idly averting his gaze to look down at the soda bottle, Langa pauses for a few seconds before speaking up a little more quietly.]
You could have a bunch of admirers you don't know about... Maybe tons of people see you like I do.
[ Langa doesn’t say anything more, so Reki doesn’t push the subject. It’s one thing to be chill about someone potentially coming out to you and another thing entirely to prod them about it until they say it explicitly. Even if he’s curious as hell, both for selfish reasons and also just a little bit of yearning for camaraderie if nothing else, Reki doesn’t want to make Langa uncomfortable. ]
That’s what they call a loaded question, isn’t it? If I say yes, you might start doing it now! If I say no, you’ll think it’s totally fine to say it to me.
[ He says it teasingly, a sly little smirk on his face and eyes narrowed, just to make sure Langa knows that he’s joking. Sort of. It makes sense logically, but also Reki… doesn’t totally mind. Not when he can anticipate the onslaught of compliments that make his little heart thud in his chest until he feels dizzy. ]
I guess, but even if they see me the same, it’s not enough to be that kind of admirer! There needs to be that extra spark, something special about me, or whatever. All that mushy stuff.
If that's what you want to call it...?! (They don't carry it, of course.)
[It probably is, honestly. And while Langa has a tendency to be pretty terrible at understanding how other people are feeling, Reki's so bright and open that it's easy to tell he's teasing.]
If it bothers you that much in Japanese, maybe I'll say it in English instead. In a way you can't understand.
[It's a meaningless threat in every sense of the word, and Langa knows it. But he isn't sure how else to tease back, and only huffs slightly to himself before finally taking a sip of his drink.
Why is Reki so dead set on the idea of no one having a crush on him?! It's borderline infuriating to hear, considering that Langa's pretty sure he could write an entire novel on exactly what makes Reki so special.]
...If someone liked you like that, what would you do?
[ Reki opens his mouth to argue but then snaps it back shut. Would it be any different if Langa praised him in English? He’d still know that he was doing it, and he’d have that same expression on his face where his eyes soften and sparkle and he looks far too charming to be focusing on someone like Reki. Plus, not that he’d ever admit it, but there would be part of him that would miss the compliments and hearing himself described in such a novel and adoring light—even if another part of him would pine all the harder. ]
Hm? [ He’s working on the last bite of his bread and halfway through opening a bag of chips, so his brain isn’t fully dedicated to the question at first. Of course he’s imagined what it would be like to receive a confession and to date and all of the stuff that would come with it, but it’s so complicated that he’s not sure how to answer for a minute. ] It would depend on the someone, right? I wouldn’t just date anyone who likes me, that wouldn’t be fair.
[Feelings are so complicated. On one hand, Reki should have plenty of people who like him. How could he not? But whenever Langa sees a girl go up to Reki with flushed cheeks and a shy smile, it kind of makes his heart twist... and then drop at the same time when they ultimately ask something about Langa instead of Reki himself.
God. He's terrible, isn't he. Not truly wanting his best friend to date anyone earns him the "most terrible friend" award for sure.]
Yeah.
[What a boring answer. Unknowingly employing Reki's tactic from earlier of grabbing something to give him time to think (mint chocolate chip ice cream, in this case), he fiddles with the wooden spoon and opens the lid.]
Then... someone who's your type?
[He furrows his brows. The girl on the boat to Mikayojima is the only girl he's ever seen Reki show interest in, but...]
If you have one. [Dammit. He's taking this leap - this is the kind of thing the guys in their class talk about all the time, right?] ...Do you?
[ They’re in the same boat there, though maybe for different reasons. Reki has to admit that it feels pretty bad for someone to act as if they may like him only to end up asking him to be a wingman with Langa. It hurts his pride a little even though he knows he’s nothing compared to Langa, but more than that, it hurts to think of the day when Langa takes interest in whoever is getting to him through Reki. ]
Yeah. [ He sips his drink, more for something to occupy his mouth than being thirsty. They have plenty more to go through, though, so no reason to hold back. ] Yeah? I mean, no, I don’t think so. It’s… complicated.
[ Fidgeting with the lid of his bottle, his stomach feels like it’s going to fall out as he tries to hype himself up for this conversation. ] Earlier, when you said you didn’t want to woo girls… Is it because you’re not interested in dating someone right now, or not interested in girls? And, uh, you really don’t have to answer if you don’t want! I just feel like it’s something you can talk to me about, since we’re best friends. If you want to. Talk about it. With me.
[Reki's not even halfway through the first sentence of his question when Langa freezes, turning to look at him with wide eyes. His own comment being brought up is enough to catch him off guard, sure, but he'd left himself open to it for a reason. But no, it's the implication that Reki not only came to that conclusion on his own, but brought it up so kindly, and maybe... just maybe somewhat willingly, based on his answer. "It's complicated." Is that too hopeful?
Langa sets his ice cream aside, stomach swooping from something he couldn't name if he tried.]
I want to. [Just barely, he scoots forward until one of his knees bumps gently against Reki's - a connection, however small.] I want to answer. And talk about it with you.
[The pause that settles between them doesn't last long.]
Because you're right. I'm... not interested in girls.
[ Those wide, pretty eyes don't exactly help Reki calm down enough to stop rambling. It's hard to tell if they're surprised, hopeful, or maybe even offended while he's stuck in his own head a little too deep to fully analyze the rest of Langa's face. For some reason, the fact that Langa is setting aside food in favor of conversation doesn't help loosen the knot in Reki's stomach.
He swears he empties out both lungs with his sigh of relief. No matter what the answer is, at least he hasn't ruined something by asking Langa, in a roundabout way, if he's gay. He wants to talk about it and give an answer, and Reki bites down on his lips to give him the room to do so. ]
Are you, uh, interested in guys? Or no one? I found out that's a thing! [ Hands seeking something to do, he begins peeling the label from his drink with nervous fingers. If he had a board to work on, it would be much easier to zone out enough to ignore the butterflies in his stomach and maybe sound a little cooler throughout this conversation. But Langa has trusted him this far, and Reki wants to return that trust and also get something off of his chest that he's hasn't told anyone about. If this leads to nothing else, at least it will deepen their friendship and give them a safe space to continue being themselves around each other. ] I like both. Girls and boys. I mean, I've liked girls and I've liked boys, not like I have a crush on a ton of people right now!
[Reki's little tells are so clear, familiar and comforting in a way that makes Langa involuntarily relax in spite of the difficult subject they've stumbled upon. But honestly, he's... kind of glad they did, especially when Reki is just as kind and receptive as Langa had always known he would be.
And like ebb and flow, it figures that Reki would beat him to saying... something he couldn't have ever begun to guess, but makes his eyes widen again all the same.]
...You do? [...] That's cool.
[What a dumb response. Heart surging, Langa scoots a little closer as if to wordlessly say that he realizes just how much courage it takes to talk about this. Reki is, Reki is... God, his heart's going to stop if he doesn't scramble to get his own words out right now.]
I like guys. [His words are a little clumsy, perhaps a little too earnest as he reflexively leans in just a touch.] But I'm usually not thinking much about relationships... since it would have to be the right person.
[It truly feels like a long barred dam has suddenly burst, a cup of unspoken feelings and questions bubbling up and overflowing, and he can't stop himself from asking the most pivotal question on his mind.]
So, um, that means... you have a crush on someone?
[ Langa doesn’t say anything, which is torture, but he also moves in closer and Reki is so grateful for the way they can communicate without speaking. Both of them can be rather physical beings, after all, and even when something difficult like emotions of languages barriers come up, at the end of the day, they have the brush of knees and swaying shoulders bumping together to keep them in harmony. ]
Cool? [ He has to laugh because he’s pretty sure that isn’t cool. Well, if Langa thinks so, that’s really the only opinion he cares about. Already formulating a response that doesn’t sound too disappointed, he’s surprised when Langa blurts out exactly what Reki had been thinking— wondering— hoping? ] Oh, cool! Both of us, then. And yeah, I get that, it’s never been on my schedule or anything like that to think about dating someone. Sometimes it’s… I try bringing it up since it seems normal for guys to do, y’know?
[ With a jolt, the label comes free of the bottle, and he’s left with a bit of sticky plastic in his hands. He starts folding it, trying for a crane but not really focused too much on the result. ] Uh, yeah, actually. Do you?
[This is enough for him - just the two of them sitting together in Reki's uncharacteristically quiet room, shoulders barely bumping together. All this time, he figured he would just say it if it ever became relevant... but there's something new tying them together now, and the fact that he'd been wholly unable to see it coming somehow makes Langa's heart feel that much lighter.]
I've never told anyone before. Not this directly, anyway.
[Accidentally coming out to his mom over dinner doesn't really count. And he's pretty sure his dad knew too, given how close they were... But they and Reki are the people who matter most, aren't they?]
I always thought this would be hard, but I should have known it would be this easy. Everything's easier when it's with you.
[Gaze softening, he can't help but smile. Reki trusts him enough to talk about this, and even when he looks away to begin folding the plastic label, Langa's gaze doesn't waver.
But his heart does. Just a little bit, a momentary hesitation before he ignores it to take the leap, just as always.]
[ Reki wants to say “wow, really?” and be surprised since Langa grew up in a western country that seems more accepting of queer people. A reaction like that would feel disingenuous, though. He hasn’t told anybody, not even indirectly, so he knows some of the apprehension that Langa must be feeling. ] You’re the first person I’ve told, period.
[ Feeling his cheeks heat up from the sweetness of that sentiment, he reaches out to pat Langa’s thigh and then wonders if that’s weird and moves his palm to his knee. ] Y-yeah, me too. I mean, it was kind of cheating for me to come out since you sort of did earlier. You’re always braver than me.
[ He pulls his hand away when Langa says that he, too, has a crush. It’s instinct really, that gut feeling that it can’t be him so he shouldn’t touch and make things weird. Swallowing thickly, he sets down the half-finished crane and takes up the bottle again to wash out the bitter taste in his mouth. He shouldn’t be jealous, and maybe he isn’t totally. Maybe he’s just scared of losing Langa to whoever his crush is since he’d have to be insane not to like him back. ] So is it someone at school? S? You gonna ask him out?
[It may have mattered more if he had any real friends in Canada, but he didn't. Divulging such a personal part of himself would be hard regardless of country, and though he isn't necessarily ashamed of it, it's something he wouldn't voluntarily share with just anyone.
When he's lying in bed tonight (whether he's going back home or staying the night), the full weight of what Reki said will surely hit him. But for now, he's simply grateful for the quiet understanding that blooms between them, Reki's affectionate touch almost too much to handle.]
It's not cheating. I'm... really glad you told me. And you're the one who brought it up in the first place. That's plenty brave.
[Really, it is. But when Reki takes a sip of his soda and asks those questions he isn't prepared to answer, Langa reaches for his ice cream again, staring down into the cup and watching the way it melts near the edges.
It's taking everything in him to stifle a sigh.]
I... don't think I have a chance. [God, his stomach hurts. Reki likes someone... Reki likes someone. And he really doesn't want to ask, but his voice quiets when he finally gets the words out.] What about you? What are they like?
I only brought it up because of how you said you weren’t interested in girls! I had to be nosy and find out why, most guys our age are horny as hell.
[ Not that he wants to think about that, not when Langa could be feeling that way about someone who isn’t Reki. It makes his stomach twist into knots and this throat tighten until he nearly chokes on his drink. Coughing softly, he sets it aside to reach for an ice cream that will both sooth some of the unpleasant heat of jealousy in his gut along with save it from melting onto his floor. ]
Are you kidding? You totally have a chance, I don’t need to know him to know that. There are guys at school who’d probably go gay just for you. [ Ripping open the ice cream packaging, he sticks it into his mouth before he says more creepy shit. ] Me? He’s so far out of my league it’s a different game. He… likes someone, and I can’t compete.
[Yeah, don't mind him suddenly taking this moment to shovel this ice cream in his mouth and very pointedly not mention anything that could induce further conversation about horny teenage tendencies. In Langa's eyes, that's well worth risking brainfreeze.
Except... damn, it hurts so much more than he realized to hear Reki say he has a chance. The sentiment is kind, and of course he's grateful for that, but then Reki casually says the person he's crushing on is a guy and Langa's pretty sure his heart's going to collapse in on itself if this nauseousness and undeniable jealousy don't do him in first. A guy? Reki likes a guy?!
Realizing that he completely froze for a few seconds, he sets his newly empty ice cream cup aside to shift and bring his long legs inward. He isn't quite hugging his knees to his chest, but he would if it wouldn't make him look and feel even more like a petulant child.]
Anyone who wouldn't date you is stupid. I mean it. [How deeply are his brows furrowed?] There's no way he's out of your league. Trust me... I'm the one who can't compete.
[ Maybe, deep down, there had been a glimmer of hope in Reki that they could be talking about each other. Neither of them had a ton of friends, no one they were as close to as each other, so there had been a possibility that he could be Langa's mysterious crush. That hopeful little flame is snuffed out, though, because Reki basically admitted he liked Langa, hinting at it so strongly that he even added on the fact that he liked someone. It should have been an invitation for Langa to connect the dots, but even if he has, clearly he isn't interested and doesn't take the bait. Reki feels the ice cream freeze him from the inside-out on its way down to his stomach. ]
You have to say shit like that, you're my best friend. [ He tries to go for a teasing tone, but the weight of his emotions makes it difficult to lighten his words. It's not that he thinks Langa would lie to him about being a good guy and all, just that he's obviously biased to think that. ] How can you build me up and put yourself down at the same time? You're the hottest guy in school, the coolest skater at S, but still sweet and humble.
[How many people does Reki think he knows? And really, compared to Reki, has Langa ever paid even 5% as much attention to anyone else? Sure, he's dazzled by all of the amazing skaters at S, but he's pretty sure he doesn't even know the names of more than 10 people at their school, and that's a generous estimate to begin with.
If he says anything more, Langa's positive he'll give himself away.
And as scary as that thought is, in some sense... he kind of wants to.]
Reki... [His voice drops down, softer than usual.] If you knew who I was talking about, you'd understand. He... he also likes someone.
[ Reki scoffs lightly, but he also knows that Langa is telling the truth. He doesn't have a dishonest bone in his body as far as Reki is concerned and he's only ever been honest and earnest. He does know, too, that he doesn't have many friends or even know that many people. Reki may rather unpopular, but at least he knows people and has gone to school with most of the other students for the majority of his life. He still marvels at how quickly he and Langa became close, not to mention how fast Langa became the heart-throb of the school.
The soft sound of his name draws his attention more than any shout, and he feels his stomach clench in anticipation of... something. His skin starts to tingle in apprehension, just like before he hits a crack in the road and has to bail off his board. Something is happening, but his brain hasn't quite caught up with what it is yet. ] Do... do you know who it is? Maybe he likes you but hasn't said anything about it. Could be mutually pining for each other. [ Or he could be totally projecting and about to make a fool of himself. ]
I don't know what to think anymore. I thought he knew how I felt about him.
[And no, of course he doesn't know who it is! Langa only just found out that Reki isn't straight, and the fact that he likes a guy on top of that is enough to give him a little spark of hope that he still has a chance.
The two of them are alone in Reki's dim, quiet room at midnight, talking about love and revealing new, deeply personal things about themselves, and now Reki's filling him with the type of longing that makes his heart constrict.]
Reki... You shouldn't say things like that.
[This is dangerous. So, so very dangerous, and Langa's impulse to suddenly move in close and lean against Reki's side isn't helping.]
There's too much at stake to risk it. And I'm... too afraid of messing things up between us.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
❤️!
...Kind of.
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Reaching up to poke at one of Langa's pouting cheeks, Reki snickers and unwraps the bread before taking a bite. ] Good, then you know your place, or whatever. Save that pretty talk for wooing girls, dude.
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But this feels just a little too on the nose. There's only one person he's ever wanted to woo, and said person just happens to be the one poking at his cheek and telling him to woo someone else.]
I don't want to. [Huff.] I was being serious, you know.
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[ It's also too on the nose, but Reki can't stop himself from asking. At least it comes out more casually because he's not thinking about it—if he were really really asking, he would probably be a stuttering, blushing mess. ]
Serious about what?
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Both?
[It's such a simple answer, but Reki can interpret it however he wants.]
I mean... I meant what I said about thinking you're amazing and stuff.
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[ Clicking his tongue a little, he stuffs more bread into his mouth and reaches for a drink. It makes it easier to think when he gives himself a little extra time like this, and in the end, he knows how to explain why it's embarrassing. ] I know you mean it, Langa, that's why it's embarrassing! From someone else, it'd just be a lie and I could brush it off, but you... really see me like that.
Don't tell anyone that I checked the konbini for cream cheese this morning. I had to make sure.
It's not really the answer he was expecting, if he was expecting anything at all, but Langa's still a little grateful that Reki breezily brushed past any deeper discussion. He isn't planning on divulging any more info unless Reki asks (and it's probably bad that he would tell him without thinking twice) but... at the same time, a small part of him kind of wants to, since they're probably never going to talk about this again.
Reaching over, he takes a soda of his own. But rather than drink it, he's content to just look at Reki, turning the bottle idly in his hands.]
Good. Is it better that I didn't say it to your face?
[Because he would. The way Reki gets so flustered when Langa says nice things about him is endearing beyond words. But idly averting his gaze to look down at the soda bottle, Langa pauses for a few seconds before speaking up a little more quietly.]
You could have a bunch of admirers you don't know about... Maybe tons of people see you like I do.
dedicated to your craft!
That’s what they call a loaded question, isn’t it? If I say yes, you might start doing it now! If I say no, you’ll think it’s totally fine to say it to me.
[ He says it teasingly, a sly little smirk on his face and eyes narrowed, just to make sure Langa knows that he’s joking. Sort of. It makes sense logically, but also Reki… doesn’t totally mind. Not when he can anticipate the onslaught of compliments that make his little heart thud in his chest until he feels dizzy. ]
I guess, but even if they see me the same, it’s not enough to be that kind of admirer! There needs to be that extra spark, something special about me, or whatever. All that mushy stuff.
If that's what you want to call it...?! (They don't carry it, of course.)
[It probably is, honestly. And while Langa has a tendency to be pretty terrible at understanding how other people are feeling, Reki's so bright and open that it's easy to tell he's teasing.]
If it bothers you that much in Japanese, maybe I'll say it in English instead. In a way you can't understand.
[It's a meaningless threat in every sense of the word, and Langa knows it. But he isn't sure how else to tease back, and only huffs slightly to himself before finally taking a sip of his drink.
Why is Reki so dead set on the idea of no one having a crush on him?! It's borderline infuriating to hear, considering that Langa's pretty sure he could write an entire novel on exactly what makes Reki so special.]
...If someone liked you like that, what would you do?
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Hm? [ He’s working on the last bite of his bread and halfway through opening a bag of chips, so his brain isn’t fully dedicated to the question at first. Of course he’s imagined what it would be like to receive a confession and to date and all of the stuff that would come with it, but it’s so complicated that he’s not sure how to answer for a minute. ] It would depend on the someone, right? I wouldn’t just date anyone who likes me, that wouldn’t be fair.
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God. He's terrible, isn't he. Not truly wanting his best friend to date anyone earns him the "most terrible friend" award for sure.]
Yeah.
[What a boring answer. Unknowingly employing Reki's tactic from earlier of grabbing something to give him time to think (mint chocolate chip ice cream, in this case), he fiddles with the wooden spoon and opens the lid.]
Then... someone who's your type?
[He furrows his brows. The girl on the boat to Mikayojima is the only girl he's ever seen Reki show interest in, but...]
If you have one. [Dammit. He's taking this leap - this is the kind of thing the guys in their class talk about all the time, right?] ...Do you?
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Yeah. [ He sips his drink, more for something to occupy his mouth than being thirsty. They have plenty more to go through, though, so no reason to hold back. ] Yeah? I mean, no, I don’t think so. It’s… complicated.
[ Fidgeting with the lid of his bottle, his stomach feels like it’s going to fall out as he tries to hype himself up for this conversation. ] Earlier, when you said you didn’t want to woo girls… Is it because you’re not interested in dating someone right now, or not interested in girls? And, uh, you really don’t have to answer if you don’t want! I just feel like it’s something you can talk to me about, since we’re best friends. If you want to. Talk about it. With me.
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Langa sets his ice cream aside, stomach swooping from something he couldn't name if he tried.]
I want to. [Just barely, he scoots forward until one of his knees bumps gently against Reki's - a connection, however small.] I want to answer. And talk about it with you.
[The pause that settles between them doesn't last long.]
Because you're right. I'm... not interested in girls.
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He swears he empties out both lungs with his sigh of relief. No matter what the answer is, at least he hasn't ruined something by asking Langa, in a roundabout way, if he's gay. He wants to talk about it and give an answer, and Reki bites down on his lips to give him the room to do so. ]
Are you, uh, interested in guys? Or no one? I found out that's a thing! [ Hands seeking something to do, he begins peeling the label from his drink with nervous fingers. If he had a board to work on, it would be much easier to zone out enough to ignore the butterflies in his stomach and maybe sound a little cooler throughout this conversation. But Langa has trusted him this far, and Reki wants to return that trust and also get something off of his chest that he's hasn't told anyone about. If this leads to nothing else, at least it will deepen their friendship and give them a safe space to continue being themselves around each other. ] I like both. Girls and boys. I mean, I've liked girls and I've liked boys, not like I have a crush on a ton of people right now!
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And like ebb and flow, it figures that Reki would beat him to saying... something he couldn't have ever begun to guess, but makes his eyes widen again all the same.]
...You do? [...] That's cool.
[What a dumb response. Heart surging, Langa scoots a little closer as if to wordlessly say that he realizes just how much courage it takes to talk about this. Reki is, Reki is... God, his heart's going to stop if he doesn't scramble to get his own words out right now.]
I like guys. [His words are a little clumsy, perhaps a little too earnest as he reflexively leans in just a touch.] But I'm usually not thinking much about relationships... since it would have to be the right person.
[It truly feels like a long barred dam has suddenly burst, a cup of unspoken feelings and questions bubbling up and overflowing, and he can't stop himself from asking the most pivotal question on his mind.]
So, um, that means... you have a crush on someone?
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Cool? [ He has to laugh because he’s pretty sure that isn’t cool. Well, if Langa thinks so, that’s really the only opinion he cares about. Already formulating a response that doesn’t sound too disappointed, he’s surprised when Langa blurts out exactly what Reki had been thinking— wondering— hoping? ] Oh, cool! Both of us, then. And yeah, I get that, it’s never been on my schedule or anything like that to think about dating someone. Sometimes it’s… I try bringing it up since it seems normal for guys to do, y’know?
[ With a jolt, the label comes free of the bottle, and he’s left with a bit of sticky plastic in his hands. He starts folding it, trying for a crane but not really focused too much on the result. ] Uh, yeah, actually. Do you?
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I've never told anyone before. Not this directly, anyway.
[Accidentally coming out to his mom over dinner doesn't really count. And he's pretty sure his dad knew too, given how close they were... But they and Reki are the people who matter most, aren't they?]
I always thought this would be hard, but I should have known it would be this easy. Everything's easier when it's with you.
[Gaze softening, he can't help but smile. Reki trusts him enough to talk about this, and even when he looks away to begin folding the plastic label, Langa's gaze doesn't waver.
But his heart does. Just a little bit, a momentary hesitation before he ignores it to take the leap, just as always.]
Yeah... I do.
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[ Feeling his cheeks heat up from the sweetness of that sentiment, he reaches out to pat Langa’s thigh and then wonders if that’s weird and moves his palm to his knee. ] Y-yeah, me too. I mean, it was kind of cheating for me to come out since you sort of did earlier. You’re always braver than me.
[ He pulls his hand away when Langa says that he, too, has a crush. It’s instinct really, that gut feeling that it can’t be him so he shouldn’t touch and make things weird. Swallowing thickly, he sets down the half-finished crane and takes up the bottle again to wash out the bitter taste in his mouth. He shouldn’t be jealous, and maybe he isn’t totally. Maybe he’s just scared of losing Langa to whoever his crush is since he’d have to be insane not to like him back. ] So is it someone at school? S? You gonna ask him out?
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When he's lying in bed tonight (whether he's going back home or staying the night), the full weight of what Reki said will surely hit him. But for now, he's simply grateful for the quiet understanding that blooms between them, Reki's affectionate touch almost too much to handle.]
It's not cheating. I'm... really glad you told me. And you're the one who brought it up in the first place. That's plenty brave.
[Really, it is. But when Reki takes a sip of his soda and asks those questions he isn't prepared to answer, Langa reaches for his ice cream again, staring down into the cup and watching the way it melts near the edges.
It's taking everything in him to stifle a sigh.]
I... don't think I have a chance. [God, his stomach hurts. Reki likes someone... Reki likes someone. And he really doesn't want to ask, but his voice quiets when he finally gets the words out.] What about you? What are they like?
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[ Not that he wants to think about that, not when Langa could be feeling that way about someone who isn’t Reki. It makes his stomach twist into knots and this throat tighten until he nearly chokes on his drink. Coughing softly, he sets it aside to reach for an ice cream that will both sooth some of the unpleasant heat of jealousy in his gut along with save it from melting onto his floor. ]
Are you kidding? You totally have a chance, I don’t need to know him to know that. There are guys at school who’d probably go gay just for you. [ Ripping open the ice cream packaging, he sticks it into his mouth before he says more creepy shit. ] Me? He’s so far out of my league it’s a different game. He… likes someone, and I can’t compete.
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Except... damn, it hurts so much more than he realized to hear Reki say he has a chance. The sentiment is kind, and of course he's grateful for that, but then Reki casually says the person he's crushing on is a guy and Langa's pretty sure his heart's going to collapse in on itself if this nauseousness and undeniable jealousy don't do him in first. A guy? Reki likes a guy?!
Realizing that he completely froze for a few seconds, he sets his newly empty ice cream cup aside to shift and bring his long legs inward. He isn't quite hugging his knees to his chest, but he would if it wouldn't make him look and feel even more like a petulant child.]
Anyone who wouldn't date you is stupid. I mean it. [How deeply are his brows furrowed?] There's no way he's out of your league. Trust me... I'm the one who can't compete.
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You have to say shit like that, you're my best friend. [ He tries to go for a teasing tone, but the weight of his emotions makes it difficult to lighten his words. It's not that he thinks Langa would lie to him about being a good guy and all, just that he's obviously biased to think that. ] How can you build me up and put yourself down at the same time? You're the hottest guy in school, the coolest skater at S, but still sweet and humble.
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[How many people does Reki think he knows? And really, compared to Reki, has Langa ever paid even 5% as much attention to anyone else? Sure, he's dazzled by all of the amazing skaters at S, but he's pretty sure he doesn't even know the names of more than 10 people at their school, and that's a generous estimate to begin with.
If he says anything more, Langa's positive he'll give himself away.
And as scary as that thought is, in some sense... he kind of wants to.]
Reki... [His voice drops down, softer than usual.] If you knew who I was talking about, you'd understand. He... he also likes someone.
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The soft sound of his name draws his attention more than any shout, and he feels his stomach clench in anticipation of... something. His skin starts to tingle in apprehension, just like before he hits a crack in the road and has to bail off his board. Something is happening, but his brain hasn't quite caught up with what it is yet. ] Do... do you know who it is? Maybe he likes you but hasn't said anything about it. Could be mutually pining for each other. [ Or he could be totally projecting and about to make a fool of himself. ]
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[And no, of course he doesn't know who it is! Langa only just found out that Reki isn't straight, and the fact that he likes a guy on top of that is enough to give him a little spark of hope that he still has a chance.
The two of them are alone in Reki's dim, quiet room at midnight, talking about love and revealing new, deeply personal things about themselves, and now Reki's filling him with the type of longing that makes his heart constrict.]
Reki... You shouldn't say things like that.
[This is dangerous. So, so very dangerous, and Langa's impulse to suddenly move in close and lean against Reki's side isn't helping.]
There's too much at stake to risk it. And I'm... too afraid of messing things up between us.
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I'm so, so sorry for the wait! I've been dying to reply, but I passed out for 17 hours after work...
omg no need to apologize!! rest is important
You say that, but I completely slept another two days away?! RIP. I should be good now, though!
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I'm going to be a little slow for a bit, since I'm doing mobile tags until my laptop is fixed... RIP
no rush, I'll backtag forever! hope it gets fixed soon
One (1) new laptop acquired! I'm so, so sorry for the long wait!
yay! but honestly no worries, I'm not always the fastest tagger
Same, if how long this took didn't say enough.... I should be faster now, but take your time!
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Rises from the ether...
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